Resolutions

It's March, how many people out there are still going strong with your resolutions? Oh, what was that? None? Yeah I didn't think so. Here are a couple simple tips for being “more” successful with your New Years resolutions, I said more in quotes because I am still pretty sure you losers will fail... (too harsh?)  Oh and if you put a comment below saying "I am still doing my resolution", everybody hates you. 

1. Stop making resolutions that are nearly unattainable. A 250 pound man wants to lose 100 lbs... That's a LOT of weight to lose, is it impossible? No, but it may not be probable. Instead aim to eat healthier and exercise more, if you make that your resolution, you are far more likely to succeed, and the weight loss will come with it and be an added bonus. Some people will make a resolution to exercise every day for the whole year... ARE YOU KIDDING? What if you are sick one day? What if you wake up late and have to rush to work so you miss your morning workout, then work blows up and you are there really late, you don’t get home till 8pm... you shouldn't feel guilty for not working out on days like this, but because of your resolution you feel that you need to, even though you don't have the energy. OR if you decide not to, now its April 18^th and you just screwed the whole thing because who cares if you work out every following day? You already failed. Set. Smaller. Goals.

in 12 months I will be able to reach the remote

2. Don't come up with a resolution that is typical of half the population, do something for yourself, not society. Too many people do the same resolutions year in and year out, OR they do the same resolution that they hear from their friends. “we're going to lose 20 lbs” or “no more beer before noon” (silly). Instead, come up with a resolution that makes sense for YOU and for your life. For example I have always wanted to be more active, so for my resolution I could say that I am going to do some biking, and hiking, and swimming and what not. It's more personal to me, so I am more likely to do it.

We are all the same. right Bob?  Yes Bob

3. Instead of making a resolution about “not” doing something, make it about “doing” something. What I mean by that is people tend to say “I wont drink soda” or “I am cutting out sweets”, which makes your resolution negative. If you instead say “I am going to make healthier choices” that puts a more positive spin on your resolution. And it won't kill you to eat a piece of delicious apple pie every once in a while...

unlike a negatively charged particle, amiright?

4. Finally, keep your resolution to yourself. I know this is difficult but listen up, this isn't just because I don't care (which I really don't). There was a study done by someone who does study's (yes I am very technical) that stated when you talk about your resolution you already feel a sense of accomplishment. “I am going to travel more this year” people usually will react the same way “Ohh that’s awesome, I bet you will have a lot of fun/ good for you”. This is actually detrimental to the success of your year. Because you start to feel good about yourself as if you have already accomplished your goal just by talking about it and saying “you will do it”. People tend to be nice on the surface about things like this. A friend or co-worker is less likely to say “Wow I thought you were trying to exercise more, you look like shit”. If you do have this friend, keep them, the brutally honest are great to have in a pinch...
   
   
   
   
   Me: Do I have a small penis?
   Ben: Yes, I am pretty sure you do.
   Me: Fuck.
   
   

Young Larry Bird doesn't care about your resolution

For me, a New Years resolution was easy... Stop caring about trying to better myself and just have a good time. I CAN'T FAIL! Next up we will talk about Lent, because I LOVE talking about religion.

f***ing Chuck Narris