Food, Glorius Food

I love food, anyone looking at me can figure that out.

When somebody who is a gym rat tells me how "easy" it is to get healthy I scoff at them.  Because I know what is about to follow.  "Cut out the high carbs and sugary foods... Don't drink so much beer, and if you see a piece of cake you are obligated to throw it in the trash and tell the person carrying it they are making the wrong choice."

Do either of them even look happy?

Let me tell you what, I hate your life.  Your life of salads and protein shakes depresses me.  Kale?  are you fucking kidding me?!!  No, I am so done with you.

On to the good stuff.  Here are a bunch of foods that I would eat directly in front of the gym rat who crying on the inside because they miss the taste of actual food.

This is a bacon cheese burger.  I started here because this is a staple in my life.

Buffalo wings, and other assorted flavors.  Yeah, like I'd give you up for a piece of lettuce and some chic peas....

Cold weather. Football. Chili.
Game. Set. Match

Lasagna.  If you don't eat lasagna, both Garfield and I judge you harshly.  And if you eat "vegetarian" lasagna, I am still deducting points.

Steak.  Need I say more?








I was told bacon needs its own category, so without further adieu...

 Bacon

 Bacon

 Heart shaped bacon

 Bacon











Desert:

This is called "Apple Pie", did you know that if you don't like apple pie you are basically saying you hate America?

Ice Cream, not sherbet, not frozen yogurt.  ICE CREAM.

What? you don't eat ice cream? GET OUT OF MY FACE YOU COMMUNIST.

Ok guys, this is the last one.  And if you tell me "I cant eat cake because it goes against my "paleo" diet, get out.








This is the end of my food post.  There are many other foods out there that are tasty: Fish, Ribs, Pork, Most Breakfast foods, Skittles (there could be a whole post on candy alone).  What are some of your favorite foods?  How much do you hate people who are on Paleo diets?

Your Friend,
Red Guy

JACK

So a couple years ago I mentioned that I was about to be a father and my posts would range from things like sports and politics to fatherhood.  Though I have certainly mentioned my son in some of my posts, I have not made a Jack-centric post.  So here it is.

My son is two.  He was born in March of 2013, and he is the freaking shit.  He makes me smile and laugh all while destroying everything around him.  I share custody with his mother, which means that I have him every other weekend, alternating holidays, and two weeks in the summer.  I just had him for a full week (depending on when you read this) and that's what prompted me to write this post.

Before I get into the specifics of the week I want to give you some background.

Jack in the last few months has really come into his personality.  He is talking more, running around like a mad man, and causing trouble of the biblical kind.  He loves chocolate milk but I have figured out I can put a single drop of chocolate in the cup, and as long as he sees me do it he is none the wiser that he is really drinking regular orange juice.   I'm just kidding, it's milk.

So as I said, he is talking.  And not just a word here or there, words ALL THE TIME.  He is big on repeating your words.  Which at times can be problematic if you swear at the TV when the same stupid commercial comes on that drives you mad.  I mean seriously, "He went to Jared".  I will never go to Jared, simply because of their advertisements.  I fucking hate them.  As if buying an overpriced rock anywhere else means he doesn't love you.

That was the first one I thought of...  But then there's this one, which is worse and I get furious if I see it.

So now a car GPS (Global Positioning System for the uneducated) is not only telling me I have to go to a fucking Jewelry store in the middle of the day while I'm trying to pick up my dry cleaning, but also takes over my car and careens through traffic to get me to "Jared".  I hate you Jared.  And I needed my suit for an important meeting tomorrow.  What am I going to do now?  Will Jared be able to help me with that?  Jerks.

I think I got side tracked, The point is, Jack now talks, and repeats what you say.  But he does it so freaking adorably.  I wish I could fully explain how he repeats things.  It's almost as if he says it back to you as a question.  For example here is a conversation we recently had...

Me: Jack want to go for a ride in daddy's truck?
Jack: Go for ride in daddy truck?
Me: Yes
Jack: Yes?
Me: Yeah buddy.
Jack: go in spider-man seat?
Me: Yes
Jack: Yes?

It's hysterical, and I am sure those with kids completely understand.

And with the explosion of language recently he has started to pick up phrases.  But that doesn't mean he knows how/when to use them.  For Example, he hears the three year old say "Oh Man!" any time relatively bad news is spoken.  Not terrible news, because that merits a complete Chernobyl meltdown.

Trey we're not going in Mommy's car, we're going in Chris's truck - "Ohh Man!"  Used both appropriately and hysterically...

Trey, you are not eating your dinner, so it's bedtime - "NO NO NO NO I DON'T WANNA, NO..."  meltdown...

So Jack has picked up the "Oh Man" phrase but doesn't know that it's meant to follow bad news...  So here's the breakdown.

Jack: I want chocolate milk pease (please)
Me: Sure
Jack: Ohh Man!
Me: Ohh Jack...

Looking good buddy.  "Ohh Man"

So we got a whole week together, which was awesome.  We went to the cape, saw lots of family, went mini golfing (disaster), went in the ocean, went in a pool, went on bumper boats, and had an all around awesome time.

My time as a father has taught me much.  But most of all, it's taught me that I need to always look out for this little guy who is just starting to develop into his own unique person.  He is not just a combination of his mother and I, though lots of both of us are in there.  He is made up of all the people in his life.  He loves both Amanda and Dave; two people who were never meant to be in the picture, but are.  And they are a big part of his life.  And he really loves both of them.  I can't speak to the specifics of he and Dave together, but I certainly can mention some of the things that he does with Amanda, and he gravitates right to her, and her family.  Amanda is way more "crafty" than I am.  She has the boys paint and color and make things... Yes I said MAKE things.  Jack loves it.  She also is somehow a "bedtime" wizard.  When it comes to naps, If I put him down he will whine and it's a 50/50 shot of him actually going to sleep.  When Amanda puts him down it goes like this;

Amanda: Jack lets go take a nap.
Jack: Ok

I still can't wrap my head around it.  She is great with him and one of the best parts of the relationship is that she also has a son, Trey.  Trey is a year older than Jack and the two of them are best friends.  As soon as they see each other they light up and start going wild.  Jack also has several cousins that he LOVES to see, and they definitely rub off on him too.  If he takes after Nate, we're in trouble.

Being a dad has absolutely been the best thing I have ever done in my life.  I look forward to all the memories I will share with my son and family.