Food for thought..
Companies Spend SOOOOOO much money on advertising. like, for the regular Joe making like 45k, you'd get about 4 seconds of airtime, that is of course figuring that for the entire year you spent zero dollars. Because nationally aired commercials cost upwards of 350k for a 30 second spot. That's for a program like "The Voice" or "The Walking Dead" If you want to air your ad during the super bowl you better be ready to shell out around 3 million dollars (that was in 2011). So you better have a good ad to air. Even if you are throwing it out on a Monday at 10pm it could cost you over 100k. So all your nationally aired ads HAVE to be awesome right? Wrong. So many ads are just stupid. So lets talk about them!!
The Upsettingly Bad:
These are the ads that air that just piss me off. It's not that they are confusing or poorly put together it's that they are pretentious, they yell "We are better than you and we know it" and I simply hate them...
1) Most if not all Luxury auto brands, namely Audi.
In recent adds Audi has decided that if you aren't being offered an Audi by either the government or the job you are being offered, you need to reject those offers. Now there's some details left out.. So let me fill you in... An ad airs where a man is going into witness protection. He is testifying in some... judicial matter I suppose. The would be government agents tell him "Your testimony is going to save countless lives." So this tells me 2 things; First, the testimony is against some really bad people. Lets go with mobsters, because its a pretty logical step to take. And second, if he doesn't testify these "mobsters" are going to murder like... lots of people. Maybe not all at once, but if left unchecked we all know that mobsters will kill people... It's what they love doing.
SO, the agents tell the guy, "here is your new name, your new bank accounts, your new house, and check it out, we even got you a brand new SUV (that looks like a Lexus Rx)." Then the guys face gets all serious and upset looking and he says "I'll take my chances". Cut to him driving away in is Audi SUV looking all smug.
ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING!?!
I am going to throw a little "If/Then" at you... If this man can't drive an Audi/ Then he doesn't care if people die. It's true, it logically follows, he needed to testify to save lives, he decided no thanks I want to drive my fucking car, so screw those people and their lives.
2) "He went to Jared"
I might hate these commercials more than the Audi commercials... Might. In these horse shit commercials unless the dude goes to Jared to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring, she is going to say no. Because how dare you buy a ring anywhere else? Those rings are like dirt compared to our rings.... And our rings are marked up 500% so you know we are the best.
I am going to add here that Kay Jewelers is an affiliate of Jared, which is something I didn't know until I bought a diamond from them about a year ago. And not only are they no better than Jared, but the customer service there was so bad that I am literally giving away hundreds of dollars in gift cards because I refuse to ever go into that store again. They lost the ring, then told me "if our investigation shows it was our fault then we will get you a new ring" BITCH YOU LOST IT! How is it anyone else's fault!!? Then when they replaced it, they replaced it with a shittier stone, and it took them 2 months to get it to us.
So don't go to one of these major brand jewelers... in fact go on craigslist, if 50% of marriages end in divorce, I bet you can get a stellar deal from some dude trying to pay for rent on his new apartment....
3) Fragrance ads. Like... all of them.
Transcript for Sauvage by Dior:
Pan in on a city, electric guitar is playing in the background
Cut to Johnny Depp... playing guitar
Now he's driving a car
Narration begins
"I have to get out of here"
"which way?"
He's no longer in a city, now he appears to be in the oil fields of Texas...
"I don't know"
He cuts off the road into the desert and pulls a shovel from the trunk (is he burying someone?)
"What am I looking for"
There is a wolf standing on his car... (i'm serious)
He begins to dig....
Takes off a necklace and places it in the hole
"something I cant see"
"I can feel it"
"It's magic"
Then a bottle of Sauvage appears in front of a rock...
End/:
WHAT THE FUCK? What does that mean? What does any of that mean?! And that is the same for ALL of them! Need more proof, no problem!
We open with a door opening and you see Natalie Portman in a wedding dress
bellhop: Your flowers madam.
Portman: It's "Miss" actually... (this sounded WAY fucking rude btw)
Cut to her father walking her down the isle. I think it should be known that this man has a nose that is 1/3 the size of his head....
She pulls a flower out of her bouquet and puts it in her dads pocket...
"Im sorry Dad"
She then turns and walks off looking quite content with herself...
She runs through a field and takes her wedding dress off, and there is some kind of black dress underneath... because that makes sense right?
She is now standing on a cliff and you can see the shadow of a helecopter, now a ladder appears and she climbs into the chopper..
The dude flying it gets all up in her business sniffing her neck and whatnot....
She smiles and now they are flying over what looks like the Eiffel Tower.
She turns to the camera and says:
"Miss Dior"
End of commercial...
What? umm, what?
The only fragrance adds I am going to say do not make this list is Old Spice, because they have Terry Crews acting all... Terry Crews like and then the dude who is 100% making fun of fragrance ads...
4) This is one that just annoys me...
The Chevy adds where they bring "not real actors" into a warehouse and say which one of these cars won more awards... duhhhhh ALL OF THEM, They are all Chevy's and they are all the best! then they list like 16 awards they have won.
But here's where its dumb, aside from me not caring about the awards you've won... EVERY other brand has commercials where they say "2017's best fuel economy sedan..." or "2017's most payload/ towing capacity..." they all have the same shit because each award is so specific... I am waiting for them to be like "Chevrolet's all new Silverado was rated most blueist color truck in 2019"
And don't you dare tell me "these are not real actors" Because I really don't believe you. Like at all.
Lets talk about WEIRD ads now. Because some ads just don't hit...
1) Lincoln and Matthew McConaughey...
First off, this doesn't give the impression of pretentious advertising like the other car ads do, instead it gives the weird feeling like it's a fragrance ad because you have no idea what he is doing... he's just like... driving in his car talking to himself "Sometimes you gotta go back, to actually move forward..." It's literally just him talking while driving his car...
Now, they get weirder as they go because he did a few of them, one of them he like... falls backwards into a pool, and I was like, "well now your suit is all wet man..." but he don't care... because it's Alright alright alright...
I don't hate these ads... I just don't get them.
2) Skittles...
Ok, remember that add with Steven Tyler and the portrait of him made out of skittles? Yeah, it was weird. Because he makes the portrait sing. Then he tells it to sing "higher", then he makes it sing even higher... and it explodes.
I did however like the skittlepox one...
How about the ads that are great?!!
These are the ads that are either funny. or simply hit the mark perfectly. Your ad needs to grab the attention of the people watching, humor is a great way to do that. Or the ad needs to be simple enough and get right to the point...
1) Geico Caveman adds (Before they outstayed their welcome)
It was the silliest but most perfect way to grab their audience
"So simple, a caveman could do it"
Then you see a caveman holding the guys boom for the add
"Not cool man!"
he storms off.
Then they did more...
They did a bunch of them and they were really funny. But after a while you need to pull the plug, much like Progressive needs to pull "Flo".
2) Terry Tate office linebacker.
These ads were just outstanding. Its a regular office, with cubicles and reports being handed from employees to bosses... Well Management decided they needed to improve productivity and what better way to do it than to add terry Tate into the mix....
Guy finishes the pot of coffee and walks off...
Terry open field tackles him and yells "You know you can't bring that weak ass humpty bumpty up in here! You kill the Joe, you make some mo'"
It was amazing.
I don't just recommend you watch them.. I Implore you to go watch them.
Terry Tate Office Linebacker
3) Pretty much the whole Sports Center lineup...
just go watch there are too many to name.
This is Sports Center
Have I forgotten your favorite or most hated commercial? Let me know in the comments? Do you love the fragrence ads? let me know by telling me how dumb you must be...
Companies Spend SOOOOOO much money on advertising. like, for the regular Joe making like 45k, you'd get about 4 seconds of airtime, that is of course figuring that for the entire year you spent zero dollars. Because nationally aired commercials cost upwards of 350k for a 30 second spot. That's for a program like "The Voice" or "The Walking Dead" If you want to air your ad during the super bowl you better be ready to shell out around 3 million dollars (that was in 2011). So you better have a good ad to air. Even if you are throwing it out on a Monday at 10pm it could cost you over 100k. So all your nationally aired ads HAVE to be awesome right? Wrong. So many ads are just stupid. So lets talk about them!!
The Upsettingly Bad:
These are the ads that air that just piss me off. It's not that they are confusing or poorly put together it's that they are pretentious, they yell "We are better than you and we know it" and I simply hate them...
1) Most if not all Luxury auto brands, namely Audi.
In recent adds Audi has decided that if you aren't being offered an Audi by either the government or the job you are being offered, you need to reject those offers. Now there's some details left out.. So let me fill you in... An ad airs where a man is going into witness protection. He is testifying in some... judicial matter I suppose. The would be government agents tell him "Your testimony is going to save countless lives." So this tells me 2 things; First, the testimony is against some really bad people. Lets go with mobsters, because its a pretty logical step to take. And second, if he doesn't testify these "mobsters" are going to murder like... lots of people. Maybe not all at once, but if left unchecked we all know that mobsters will kill people... It's what they love doing.
SO, the agents tell the guy, "here is your new name, your new bank accounts, your new house, and check it out, we even got you a brand new SUV (that looks like a Lexus Rx)." Then the guys face gets all serious and upset looking and he says "I'll take my chances". Cut to him driving away in is Audi SUV looking all smug.
ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING!?!
I am going to throw a little "If/Then" at you... If this man can't drive an Audi/ Then he doesn't care if people die. It's true, it logically follows, he needed to testify to save lives, he decided no thanks I want to drive my fucking car, so screw those people and their lives.
 |
| This guy probably owns an Audi |
2) "He went to Jared"
I might hate these commercials more than the Audi commercials... Might. In these horse shit commercials unless the dude goes to Jared to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring, she is going to say no. Because how dare you buy a ring anywhere else? Those rings are like dirt compared to our rings.... And our rings are marked up 500% so you know we are the best.
I am going to add here that Kay Jewelers is an affiliate of Jared, which is something I didn't know until I bought a diamond from them about a year ago. And not only are they no better than Jared, but the customer service there was so bad that I am literally giving away hundreds of dollars in gift cards because I refuse to ever go into that store again. They lost the ring, then told me "if our investigation shows it was our fault then we will get you a new ring" BITCH YOU LOST IT! How is it anyone else's fault!!? Then when they replaced it, they replaced it with a shittier stone, and it took them 2 months to get it to us.
So don't go to one of these major brand jewelers... in fact go on craigslist, if 50% of marriages end in divorce, I bet you can get a stellar deal from some dude trying to pay for rent on his new apartment....
3) Fragrance ads. Like... all of them.
Transcript for Sauvage by Dior:
Pan in on a city, electric guitar is playing in the background
Cut to Johnny Depp... playing guitar
Now he's driving a car
Narration begins
"I have to get out of here"
"which way?"
He's no longer in a city, now he appears to be in the oil fields of Texas...
"I don't know"
He cuts off the road into the desert and pulls a shovel from the trunk (is he burying someone?)
"What am I looking for"
There is a wolf standing on his car... (i'm serious)
He begins to dig....
Takes off a necklace and places it in the hole
"something I cant see"
"I can feel it"
"It's magic"
Then a bottle of Sauvage appears in front of a rock...
End/:
WHAT THE FUCK? What does that mean? What does any of that mean?! And that is the same for ALL of them! Need more proof, no problem!
We open with a door opening and you see Natalie Portman in a wedding dress
bellhop: Your flowers madam.
Portman: It's "Miss" actually... (this sounded WAY fucking rude btw)
Cut to her father walking her down the isle. I think it should be known that this man has a nose that is 1/3 the size of his head....
She pulls a flower out of her bouquet and puts it in her dads pocket...
"Im sorry Dad"
She then turns and walks off looking quite content with herself...
She runs through a field and takes her wedding dress off, and there is some kind of black dress underneath... because that makes sense right?
She is now standing on a cliff and you can see the shadow of a helecopter, now a ladder appears and she climbs into the chopper..
The dude flying it gets all up in her business sniffing her neck and whatnot....
She smiles and now they are flying over what looks like the Eiffel Tower.
She turns to the camera and says:
"Miss Dior"
End of commercial...
What? umm, what?
The only fragrance adds I am going to say do not make this list is Old Spice, because they have Terry Crews acting all... Terry Crews like and then the dude who is 100% making fun of fragrance ads...
 |
| "Terry loves yogurt" |
The Chevy adds where they bring "not real actors" into a warehouse and say which one of these cars won more awards... duhhhhh ALL OF THEM, They are all Chevy's and they are all the best! then they list like 16 awards they have won.
But here's where its dumb, aside from me not caring about the awards you've won... EVERY other brand has commercials where they say "2017's best fuel economy sedan..." or "2017's most payload/ towing capacity..." they all have the same shit because each award is so specific... I am waiting for them to be like "Chevrolet's all new Silverado was rated most blueist color truck in 2019"
And don't you dare tell me "these are not real actors" Because I really don't believe you. Like at all.
 |
| HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME DO MATH CHEVY! THAT'S A BRIDGE TOO FAR! |
Lets talk about WEIRD ads now. Because some ads just don't hit...
1) Lincoln and Matthew McConaughey...
First off, this doesn't give the impression of pretentious advertising like the other car ads do, instead it gives the weird feeling like it's a fragrance ad because you have no idea what he is doing... he's just like... driving in his car talking to himself "Sometimes you gotta go back, to actually move forward..." It's literally just him talking while driving his car...
Now, they get weirder as they go because he did a few of them, one of them he like... falls backwards into a pool, and I was like, "well now your suit is all wet man..." but he don't care... because it's Alright alright alright...
I don't hate these ads... I just don't get them.
2) Skittles...
Ok, remember that add with Steven Tyler and the portrait of him made out of skittles? Yeah, it was weird. Because he makes the portrait sing. Then he tells it to sing "higher", then he makes it sing even higher... and it explodes.
 |
| "That is E to the Z ooo twiddly Dee-scusting" |
 |
| Is it contagious? |
How about the ads that are great?!!
These are the ads that are either funny. or simply hit the mark perfectly. Your ad needs to grab the attention of the people watching, humor is a great way to do that. Or the ad needs to be simple enough and get right to the point...
1) Geico Caveman adds (Before they outstayed their welcome)
It was the silliest but most perfect way to grab their audience
"So simple, a caveman could do it"
Then you see a caveman holding the guys boom for the add
"Not cool man!"
he storms off.
 | ||
| Not cool! |
Then they did more...
They did a bunch of them and they were really funny. But after a while you need to pull the plug, much like Progressive needs to pull "Flo".
2) Terry Tate office linebacker.
These ads were just outstanding. Its a regular office, with cubicles and reports being handed from employees to bosses... Well Management decided they needed to improve productivity and what better way to do it than to add terry Tate into the mix....
Guy finishes the pot of coffee and walks off...
Terry open field tackles him and yells "You know you can't bring that weak ass humpty bumpty up in here! You kill the Joe, you make some mo'"
It was amazing.
I don't just recommend you watch them.. I Implore you to go watch them.
Terry Tate Office Linebacker
 |
| That's a long distance call DOUG! |
3) Pretty much the whole Sports Center lineup...
just go watch there are too many to name.
This is Sports Center
Have I forgotten your favorite or most hated commercial? Let me know in the comments? Do you love the fragrence ads? let me know by telling me how dumb you must be...
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